Yom Kippur - Giving and Receiving Forgiveness

"Forgiveness. Can you imagine?"
"Forgiveness. Can you imagine?"

When I get in the car with Carlie - she always asks for me to put "Hamilton the Musical" soundtrack on.  I can't blame her.  It really is a GREAT musical with great messages throughout.  It is very easy to get lost in the historical perspective of the musical.  However, some of the meanings in the songs are hard to miss.

When Alexander Hamilton admits to an affair, his wife, Eliza, understandably gets angry and pushes him away.  However, with the death of their son, Philip, something happens to the two of them and Eliza is actually able to forgive Alexander.  He begs her forgiveness and she grants it.

So, which was harder - Alexander asking for forgiveness or Eliza granting it?  

I believe it is very difficult to ask others for forgiveness.  It requires humility and a true desire to listen and understand what someone else is telling you.  Often, it can be very hard to hear what others are saying.  For me, personally, I pride myself in being a "hungry listener."  I always want to know if I have wronged someone so I can do what it takes to make sure it does not happen again.  It is not the "apologizing" that matters - it is the understanding and doing better next time which does.  A blanket "I'm sorry" is nothing more than just words.  Listening, understanding and then changing - this is what matters...this is what counts.

What about giving forgiveness to others?  If you are wronged by someone, is it possible to grant them forgiveness?  This is a very personal decision...and really no one can expect or require something of someone else.  The act of giving forgiveness is up to the person who was wronged.  In Judaism, we have a "vouch safe" with regards to forgiveness.  If someone makes a genuine attempt to change and apologize, they are required to ask for forgiveness 3 times.  After the third attempt, if the forgiveness is not given, the sin/need for forgiveness transfers to the one who was not able to give forgiveness.

But, the 3 requests must be genuine and heartfelt.  The cannot be just blanket statements with nothing else to follow.  

So, when Eliza grants forgiveness to Alexander, it was because she felt Alexander, her husband, was genuinely asking for her forgiveness.  This was very hard for her - and it took great strength for her to do so.

Here is my prayer for Yom Kippur:

God - grant me the strength to ask for forgiveness.
Help me to regain the trust of those whom I have wronged.
May Your light shine upon each of us in the new year.

God - grant me the strength to give forgiveness.
Ease my anger against those who have wronged me.
May Your guidance drive me to being a better person.

God - grant us all the ability to move forward in 5778.
Alleviate our pain and sorry, help us to feel refreshed and ready for what lies ahead.
May Your Countenance be with us and point us to peace.